The Butterflies Collector

My husband was constantly chiding me for being lazy. It was Sunday and unlike myself i was in no mood to go out. However much he tried that i change and get ready, i was stuck to the PC. Then the phone rang. It was his colleague who had just brought his family to Georgia. He had called to inform us that they would be visiting our place. I kept procrastinating until i heard the door bell. They were here and i was still like a mess. I dashed to the washroom as my husband rushed to greet them, ordering me not to take too long. My hair still wet, and feeling bad that i kept them waiting, i came downstairs. They were all sitting together. Greeting my husband’s colleague, i turned towards his wife, and there she was!! A demure and tiny framed lady with quite modest looks. Honestly it was a shock to imagine both of them as husband and wife with the guy quite reasonably fine looking. Two lovely kids, a boy and a girl, were constantly keeping their mom busy. After exchanging the pleasantries, the guys went to sit in an adjoining room. With a perplexed state of mind, i asked her about her interests and how she felt about moving to Georgia, all the while blaming myself why i was concentrating on her rather baggy outfit so much!! As she started explaining i listened carefully. She was an MBA from Dallas USA, had worked for a reputable company there before getting married in Pakistan, She had procreated two wonderful kids, had moved thrice for her husband’s job while still looking after her children single handedly, and looked after her ailing mother in law. I was engrossed in the conversation as she was telling me how much excited she was about moving to Georgia. I asked if she thought it hard because of two small kids and she was like “Insaan ko hamesha positive sochna chahiyay” I thought with a shudder how hard it had been on me when i had to pack my whole house before moving and she had done it THRICE. She said another beautiful thing. “Inssan sari zindagi chezain akathi karta rahta hai. Eik din usay apni sab pyari chezain chorna parti hain. isi liyay Allah Talah nay chezain jama karnay say mana kya hai” Such a beautifull yet deep thought!!

We work hard for our comfort, collecting valuables from all over the world to cast an impression on onlookers. Then we become possessive about them thinking that we will always possess them. We do not share. And the irony is that we give them up in the end!!!

I realized how wrong i was to judge that girl from the outset. She was beautiful. She was a good wife, a loving mother, a caring daughter in law and a wonderful person. It was not her fault that Allah Tallah had bestowed her with little outward beauty. She was Allah Tallah’s creation. To condescend His creation is to invite His wrath. “Allah mujhay maf karay” I prayed. And later while offering my prayers i thanked Allah for everything He has given me. I thanked Him for making me who i am, however much flawed.

American media is no different than this. Thousands of flawless pictures of celebrities adorn millions of sites and newspapers everyday with exaggerated details of their wherewithal. Enough for hearts to skip a beat or two. No wonder depression and suicide rate is climbing in America by the day. And we the under world nations, unable to catch up with them, are no less. Ostentation in marriage ceremonies is glaring. We need to slow down and eventually put a stop on this. This is a way to destruction. We are witnessing the destruction with our own eyes yet not ready to correct ourselves. Outward beauty is a sham. What lies underneath should be given credit!!

Today while talking to a recent friend rather an acquaintance, we stumbled upon money talk. I wonder why my almost every discussion with a male converges on money. Do men generally think themselves as money pundits or is it i who is eager to find out more and more about their mysterious”hard earned”commodity. Whatever the reason may be, I liked the discussion that followed.

He was of the view that women should not hold on to their careers once they are married. This responsibility should primarily rest on men’ shoulders. However impoverished the living standard may be, the women should keep themselves to the houses. He further went on to explain how Pakistani parents wished their daughters to gain adequate education so as to be married off in decent & well to do families. Further usage of their degrees should be a matter between their spouses and in laws. He also expressed how he feared to marry a girl who might put up a fight for her career. Then my husband happended to chip in the discussion and with a look of disgust he said “Duniya may asay asay mard hain kay toba toba. In auroton ko achay mardon kee qadar karni chahiyay paisay ke nahin” Later on both of them declared that “Aj kal ke larkiyan” do not put up with the ups and downs in mens’ financial conditions. “Buray waqt ke sathi nahi hain ajkal ke larkiyan” i heard them say.

I heard this discourse with calm. I knew my chances of convincing them, over this ever “smouldering” issue in mens’ minds, were minimal.

I told them that the times were changing. Those parents who, in the yore, allowed their daughters to study so as to at the most read and write, were nowadays sending them abroad for higher studies. “Those girls are still getting married in decent families” i told them. As a matter of fact, in some cases the higher education has worked in the girl’s advantage in terms of better Rishtas. Once the marriage takes place, it should be a mutual decision between the spouses to decide about the girl’s career. And i told them that according to my information, men are being more considerate than ever about their wives careers. Its no more a flat “NO” In fact i am pleasantly surprised that conservative communities such as Multan, which is my husband’s native town, have taken a turn over this issue. Not only my mother in law, who is a housewife, vociferously wants me to work but also an uncle from there, who i met some days ago, expressed how earnestly he wanted to take his daughter to USA for her medical degree.

As for “Buray waqt ka sathi” issue, the marriage rate in Pakistan and India is still among the highest in the world.

The guys were not convinced!!!

Today while talking to a recent friend rather an acquaintance, we stumbled upon money talk. I wonder why my almost every discussion with a male converges on money. Do men generally think themselves as money pundits or is it i who is eager to find out more and more about their mysterious”hard earned”commodity. Whatever the reason may be, I liked the discussion that followed.

He was of the view that women should not hold on to their careers once they are married. This responsibility should primarily rest on men’ shoulders. However impoverished the living standard may be, the women should keep themselves to the houses. He further went on to explain how Pakistani parents used their daughters’ higher education as a mean to marry them off in decent & well to do families. Further usage of their degrees should be a matter between their spouses and in laws. He also expressed how he feared to marry a girl who might put up a fight for her career. Then my husband happended to chip in the discussion and with a look of disgust he said “Duniya may asay asay mard hain kay toba toba. In auroton ko achay mardon kee qadar karni chahiyay paisay ke nahin” Later on both of them declared that “Aj kal ke larkiyan” do not put up with the ups and downs in mens’ financial conditions. “Buray waqt ke sathi nahi hain ajkal ke larkiyan” i heard them say.

I heard this discourse with calm. I knew my chances of convincing them, over this ever “smouldering” issue in mens’ minds, were dismal.

I told them that the times were changing. Those parents who, in the yore, allowed their daughters to study so as to, at the most, read and write, were nowadays sending them abroad for higher studies. “Those girls are still getting married in decent families” i told them. As a matter of fact, in some cases the higher education has worked in the girl’s advantage in terms of better Rishtas. Once the marriage takes place, it should be a mutual decision between the spouses to decide about the girl’s career. And i told them that according to my information, men are being more considerate than ever about their wives careers. Its no more a flat “NO” In fact i am pleasantly surprised that conservative communities such as Multan, which is my husband’s native town, have taken a turn over this issue. Not only my mother in law, who is a housewife, vociferously wants me to work but also an uncle from there, who i met some days ago, expressed how earnestly he wanted to take his daughter to USA for her medical degree.

As for “Buray waqt ka sathi” issue, the marriage rate in Pakistan and India is still among the highest in the world.

However, as if to vindicate what i had thought before i had put up the defence, the guys remained unconvinced!!!